I need help removing her.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
