we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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