i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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