The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
