i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
