I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
