she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
