There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
