he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
