were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
