Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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