you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
