I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm always down for nudity.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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