I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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