I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
