i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
