And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
