I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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