"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have aggressive nipples.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
