Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
