i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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