the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
