she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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