He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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