you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
