This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
