he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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