I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
