just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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