Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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