I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
