I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
