allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
