If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
