His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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