you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.