He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.