this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
