people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat