I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I could fuck to npr.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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