I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
