I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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