Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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