is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
