oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
