Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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