Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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