Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
