Your dad touched me again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
