After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
