im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
