i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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