Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize