i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
