remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
