i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
