before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
