My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
