2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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