I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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