I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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