It's Friday. Sex?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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