Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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