last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
