Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
