does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
