Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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