I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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