Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
