so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
