Old men and throwing up are my life now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
