the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
